Solar Squalls and Snow Storms

Today, our little planet was hit with a huge solar squall - I watched video tape of this squall yesterday morning and held my breath as I watched a section of the sun's surface bunch up and gather itself together for a grand expulsion into space of energy particles, heedless of any repercussions... It seems that nothing dramatic will happen, and I am grateful. I hear via NPR that we may be graced with some lovely northern lights, courtesy of our Sun and its most recent temper tantrum. I have been fortunate enough to see northern lights from my bedroom window three times this winter - one time in particular I remember because it came immediately following another solar storm which I suspect also took out my 2006 edition computer (one of my excuses for not blogging in so long a time).  So while I appreciated the light show, I was very unhappy about this unexpected and very costly side effect of our Sun's "off gassing". It made me stop and think a bit more yesterday when I heard of yet another approaching sun storm. It is easy to take for granted the lazy loops through space we make every day. I'm beginning to appreciate that our existence is incidental and precarious. Dependant on the steady behavior of a distant star.  My daughter and I were driving home from a hot springs soak yesterday afternoon and heading west with the lowering sun beaming directly into our faces. We talked about how everything that happens to our sun, happens to us. We are utterly reliant on this dispassionate relationship. As large and rock-solid as the mountains seem that surround us here in Long Valley, they could be gone in one vast solar burp - and us with it. I found myself thinking of a phrase I love from The Book of Common Prayer:  This fragile earth, our island home.

Scott & Ethyl dig us out

View from bedroom window

Not discouraged by these reflections, I find myself  leaning into new challenges and sharpening my eye towards equanimous resolution to life events - even snow storms that bury us when friends of ours are gardening a scant 40 miles away.  Encouragement came in the form of robin song while at the hot springs yesterday - just one short little trill; and while I couldn't spot her, the familiar song is undeniable and is a harbinger of spring. Even though it was only 6 degrees this morning at my mile high house, I know for certain now that the season is turning towards warmer sunnier days.

A snowstorm seems like a minor challenge amidst life's storms and squalls.  What happens when our own bodies bunch up and ready themselves for their own expulsion of particles, heedless of its inhabitants reaction? Health issues are rather like our reliance on the sun - dispassionate in that our bodies do what they do with or without our given consent. Yet we are utterly reliant on this imperfect vehicle to carry us through our own lazy loops that we make through the space of our lives.

For many years, I have suffered odd joint pains and muscle spasms. Not having any other experience of bodily inhabitation for comparison, I was unclear as to what significance these manifestations had. I did know better than to go very far without Ibuprofen. In my back-country wanderings with my late husband, I would sometimes wonder if I would be able to make it back out without a big production. I became balky about making hiking and athletic commitments. The last two years, these symptoms have blossomed into full time and sometimes debilitating pain. I am grateful to my doctor for putting a label on this condition: fibromyalgia. 

Giving something a label, or identification tag, helps me grapple with what it really is... for me. What does this disease mean for me?  How will it shape my life? What steps do I need to take to make my life better given this new circumstance? Will I make the decision to follow my doctor's recommendations?  This may seem like a given but it is, in fact, a choice and one that is not always easy to make. For others in similar circumstances, or facing a new physical issue, you know what I'm talking about. When your doctor looks at you and says, "..this is life changing.." your senses go on high alert and you know decisions are coming your way.

Things are sorting, sifting, and reorganizing themselves in my soul's pantry.  I am figuring out what I need to add to my general provisions and what I need to throw out. My "equanimity" is being challenged and I hope to maintain grace and composure as I face skepticism and doubt.  Fibromyalgia and many diseases/disorders are not readily visible to others. During my late husbands last months, I was sometimes approached with a questioning, "...but he looks fine!" Not quite an accusation, but an expression of doubt that anything was truly wrong.  

 We humans are funny creatures. Often quick to reach a conclusion about someone else, we forget that each of us has our challenges.  And to each of us, these challenges are significant, requiring thought and decision. Did someone offend or snub you today? Behave in a distant manner? Consider they may be mulling over their own dilemma.